Plans

I don't know about the rest of the world, or even the rest of the valley I live in, but I was raised to believe that it's important to work ethically, dependably, and consistently in order to achieve your goals in life. I was told that this usually would involve a job of some kind. I've taken that to heart and have had a job and supported myself (aside from rent - I live with my parents) since I was 18. I know the value of hard work. I know the value of making sure you don't burn bridges and are kind to everyone you meet. You never know when you will meet them again, and in what capacity.

I was also taught to take care of myself and my family, trust God with the direction of my life, and to trust my gut. My gut told me to step down from a job that I've had for the last two years. There are a number of reasons for this, but the main one is that I've gotten all that I can from it and it's time to move on to the next step of my career. There was not a lot more that I could have gleaned from more time spent there.

It's scary to take a step without seeing the staircase. It's scary to not know where the next paycheck will be coming from. It's scary to think that I might have to tap into savings to survive the next couple months until financial aid kicks in. It's scary to think that I might not be able to achieve my goal of having my own place by December. That is something that I have wanted for so long. 

But, I am very familiar with trust. I am so aware that things fall apart so better things can fall in place. I know that every time that I've questioned why something was happening (why didn't I get into the class that let me graduate on time? why didn't I get the promotion to team leader?), I've been given a belated answer that was better than what I could have imagined possible.

I didn't get into the class, forcing me to graduate a full year later, so that I could be asked by that professor to do a research assistantship with her. That research assistantship position allowed me to have a really strong advantage in my vocational and educational future. I didn't get the promotion because I wasn't supposed to stay there for much longer. Additionally, because I didn't get the promotion, I applied to the graduate program... and guess what? Now, I'm accepted.

I wouldn't be going to the masters program if I hadn't graduated late and not gotten a promotion I really wanted, and was qualified for. 

That's the way my life works, always has. When I am stressed, all I have to remember is that I have family and friends who love me and that I cannot fall out of reach. I couldn't escape the plan for my life, even if I was actively trying to. I am never unreachable. I am always understood. 

So, I don't know for sure what I'll be doing this summer. I stepped down at my previous employment (I'm technically still working there, just as a call-in staff), took a job as a Developmental Technician with a decent company while I was looking for more career-oriented work, have had interviews all this week, called and quit the Developmental Technician position in order to not breach my own personal ethics, and hopefully will get that magical full-time, great pay, fulfilling hire next Tuesday (I had a great interview today),

but I don't know for sure. In this moment in time, as a world, it's very scary to not know for sure. But, I guess I do. I know for sure that I'll be fine.

 Also, while I have very little employment, I can spend more time with friends and family that have gotten lost in the whirlwind of graduating, orientation, and work. Maybe I can even go camping.