What is the difference between something you've lost and something you've given away? Well, one seems much more involuntary than the other. But, I suppose in more serious matters, the difference is slight and often bittersweet. I've been thinking a lot about my last wedding with this one looming so close. This wedding is much more exciting than I remember the first one being, but it has also been four years. It's possible (likely) that my memory isn't crystal clear.
What's so interesting to me is that there are a lot of people in my life that are uncomfortable talking about my first husband, my first wedding, my first marriage. They will dismiss it saying that it wasn't a marriage under God or some variation on that theme. I usually smile and nod, but inside I want to correct them.
It was the real thing.
I believed I was going to be with him forever.
I meant everything I said at that alter.
My vows are the biggest promise I have ever broken.
For a while, the idea that a promise that big could be broken (by myself as well as another person) made me not want to have another wedding. I was semi-comfortable with another marriage because it makes people more comfortable when you are married to the person you are living with, but a public ceremony where I make another promise in front of a crowd of people who have heard me say the words before? Yuck.
A little known fact: The only reason I agreed to have a wedding (although I am very excited about it and glad I agreed) was so that Mike could experience that event with his family. It was important to him so I obliged.
Now that the wedding is almost here and all the work I've been doing has come together, I am way excited and so happy that I get to share this event with my family and friends. I'm happy about having a wedding and I'm really happy to start a life with Michael.
It will be the real thing.
I believe I'm going to be with him forever.
I will mean everything I say at the alter.
My vows will be the biggest promise I ever make.
A part of me wonders where my ex is and how he is doing. My mom has bumped into him, but they did not speak. I saw his mom at the grocery store about a year ago and avoided her. I never spoke to any member of his family after he moved out, never said goodbye. I think he got married and had a baby, but I don't know if they kept it. I only creep his Facebook page about once a year (honestly). I can only assume he is doing well.
I know I am. I have never been happier. I am seriously stressed with wedding details, work issues, and all the things life throws at me, but I am very happy. Mike is the best thing that has ever happened to me and he happens to me every day. I've had a lot of people tell me that they have never seen two people so right for each other. Trust me, people, I know.
I really know.
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