Dear Anonymous

I'd like to say a lot of things to a lot of people. Fortunately (or unfortunately), I have the self-control to refrain from saying all of the things that pass through my head. It is nice, though, to occasionally express some of the things that pass through more frequently. So, without naming names or indicating anything specific, I am going to say a few things to a few people.

~

I am very disappointed by how weak you turned out to be. When I met you and started spending time with you, you struck me as very strong. It seemed like you had a lot of integrity and common sense. Now, I can see that you are desperately lonely and blind. I feel sorry for you, but mostly I feel hurt and annoyed by your cowardice and immaturity. You will have to act quickly to salvage any of my good will, if you even have the intention of doing so.

Although it is ridiculous for me to feel this way, I am threatened by your overt sexuality and comfort with your body. I know that others would say the same about me, but I don't appreciate that kind of behavior around my fiance (even though I know it's completely innocent).

I'm frustrated that you haven't told her and I am confused as to why you told everyone else. I would hate for her to find out through some other means. I can't imagine that.

I definitely do not feel like a priority in your life. I feel that I deserve to be, at least right now.

You and I have had a ridiculously toxic relationship that has spanned many years. You've treated me like your salvation and your curse. I am resentful of everything you expected of me. By the end of our relationship, talking to you was emotionally and mentally draining on every level. You are a waste of my time and energy. However, the fact that you are the one who finally severed contact with me makes me angry. How dare you walk away from me? Look at what you did to me. I should be the one walking away. But, thank you. I don't know if I would have.

You are more of a decoration than a functional part of my life. Which sucks, because you're supposed to help me.

I would honestly like to talk to you. Not to be weird. I just want to tell you how happy I am for you. I want to let you know what's been going on in my life. I would like you to be happy for me. Maybe you are.

I never called to "catch up" with you because I was afraid you would judge me. I was too busy to spend time with you while you were still in town. I know that I couldn't lie to you, but I let our friendship go so I wouldn't have to. I'm so sorry. I miss you. Congratulations.

You don't know this (or if you do, you are totally nuts), but you do not have the support of anyone here.

I don't think you ever got over him. I know he got over you, so I guess it doesn't matter. But, just know that I know. I've been where you're at. I know how being a nostalgic, jealous, and lonely girl works. I know how to plant seeds of doubt in a guy's mind. I've been you. But, fortunately, it totally doesn't work with him. I think you've figured that out.

~

I'm sure I'll end up repeating this post at some point. There will always be more to say to different people. Maybe soon I'll write a post saying all the good things I want to say to people. That would probably be more productive.

Anyway, I picked up my wedding dress from the seamstress and my veil, so I can check that stuff off my list. I also started working on my gifts for my bridesmaids and for my husband-to-be. That's exciting. Only 22 more days.